..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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