Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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