Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
