I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
