im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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