Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
