i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
