The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
