Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
