Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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