Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
