I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
