Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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