First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
