how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
