I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
