I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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