if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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