made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Alive.
So much puke
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
