I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
