Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm lost and stupid without you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
