We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
