I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
