he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
