Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
