I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
