i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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