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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
