party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
