you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
