I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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