Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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