i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
