How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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