I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
