first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
