It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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