im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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