He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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