she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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