I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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