Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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