are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
