do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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