My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
