remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
