I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
