first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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