I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
