I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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