Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
