After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You're like the curious george of whores
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
